Over 20 years ago, I saw a therapist for depression.
It was just before the holidays and with the kindest of intentions, she put me on medication so I could enjoy them.
Unfortunately, that med threw me straight into mania.
I felt like my heart was racing all of the time and I ended up going on a crazy shopping spree (not my usual MO at all!).
I found it terrifying.
So a few months later when I switched therapists, he misdiagnosed me with bipolar depression.
It didn’t feel right to me.
And of course it wasn’t.
The mania was from the medication I was taking.
But first the story!
We'll call him Dr. Salami.
That's how I thought of him because he was cold, unyielding and unwilling to budge on anything.
This dude was all up in his Freudian. Ew.
Not my favorite person, but I dutifully went each week because one of his rules was I couldn't miss a session.
I wasn't even allowed to change or cancel.
Never mind that I worked a high powered job in Wall Street - not the easiest thing.
I often had to travel with little notice to see clients in places like Ohio or Illinois.
I saw him for a couple of months.
At some point, he looked at me accusingly and said you do not talk to anyone and until you talk to someone, you will not get better.
I could not believe what I was hearing.
Deep inside of myself, this little tiny voice popped up.
It was saying “I call BS on that buddy.”
I replied I actually do talk to people and he said name one.
Feisty little salami that he was.
I said well Joe. Of course he asked who is Joe?
I answered my former therapist (pre depression diagnosis).
With that, I grabbed my handbag.
I stood up and I looked him straight in the eye as I said “I just don't want to talk to you. We're done here.”
And I walked out.
Dr Salami wasn’t the right therapist for me.
He got the diagnosis wrong.
And he had me on the wrong meds.
That evening I called Joe who connected me with his colleague Dr Bill.
Together they got me on the right meds and the path to healing.
My diagnosis wasn’t bi-polar.
It was anxiety caused by depression.
It would be easy to say Joe and Dr Bill saved my life.
They were certainly instrumental in helping me get out of the deep dark hole.
But the bottom line is this -
in this moment when the wee voice piped up
in this moment that I owned my self worth
in this moment that I stood up for myself and said this isn’t MY story
I saved myself.
I was finally able to own my story and then rewrite it.
I tell these stories to shed a light on those topics we don’t want to talk about.
If it sounds like all me, me, me - my apologies.
I honor my client’s privacy and I don’t feel comfortable sharing their stories around mental health.
I took control of my mental health.
So here's the deal.
You just keep telling your story.
If someone doesn't believe you, don't just take their diagnosis or prescription or even their d*mn judgment for granted.
Keep digging deep, find your story, and own it.
May is Mental Health Awareness month.
I am a coach not a therapist and I don’t play one on tv.
If you are having any issues with your mental health, please reach out to a professional.
I DO coach clients who see therapists.
And clients who don’t.
Coaching with me is a judgment free zone.
So, if you’re ready to take your productivity to the next level, we should talk.
Fill out the Productivity Breakthrough form and we’ll schedule a time to talk.
