“Every time you show up late for our lunch, it makes me think you don't value me as a friend."
Those words hit me like a gut punch.
They were spoken by my dear high school friend, Stephanie.
I was a college freshman and home for the summer and always late all the time for everything.
- Late to work - my paycheck at Abraham & Straus got docked more than once. My (ADHD) sense of justice (I wasn't diagnosed until much much later) kicked in. Noone ever paid me for all of the times I stayed late.
- Late to hand in assignments - took a lower grade more than once for work that was done just not handed in! Seriously!?!
- Late to meet friends every d*mn time. How they stood it I have no idea.
That moment was a turning point for me.
Of course I valued Stephanie! She was my friend!
I kicked up that wonderful companion of mine - anxiety.
I made sure to always be early so I wouldn't be late.
Now I'm not advising you to lean on anxiety to "fix" your ADHD, {{subscriber.first_name}}!
Though I will tell you a lot of us do exactly that.
I didn't know I had ADHD or anxiety as a teen.
I just thought there was something terribly wrong about me - what the f is your problem I would grumble to myself.
I was sure that my brain was broken.
That I was broken.
Finally getting an ADHD diagnosis in my fifties was a huge relief.
Of course I felt allthethings but that's a story for another day.
So why do ADHDers struggle with being on time?
We truly don't have any intention to be late or to hurt our friends.
We have time blindness, amongst other executive function challenges, that stymie our best attempts to do the time thing.
Time blindness is a lack of perception of time.
We seriously have NO idea how long things take.
We think we'll just squeeze in this one task before we go.
We underestimate how long that task is going to take.
Or that task leads to another task.
AND OH MY LAWD LOOK WHAT TIME IT IS!!!
We forget that we need time to grab our keys, glasses, phone, wallet.
Now where did I leave my damn keys!?!
And we're even more delayed.
Then we're scrambling and frazzled and maybe driving just a wee bit too fast and making excuses and apologies when we arrive.
So we just feel like we're never enough.
It's exhausting and frustrating (for everyone) and self-defeating.
It chip, chip, chips away at your self-confidence.
Sound like you?
I'm here to tell you first and foremost - your brain isn't broken.
You're not broken.
There are better ways to manage your time without anxiety.
There are systems you can put in place to make the everyday challenges of living and working with ADHD a bit less frustrating.
I teach my clients many of these systems.
Just a few weeks ago, I helped a client put a routine (system) in place to ensure that her kids' homework gets done on time.
No judgment - these kids are really little so they're still learning time management.
Do you have routines to help you get through your tasks?
Which ones are working for you?
Where do you need help with a routine?
Hit me up with a comment below.
I'd love to hear and I do respond!
This isn't some AI bot writing these emails - just little old me. Taylor Swift reference (ear worm) because ADHD brain!
